"Shoot me in the face, I was so stressed."

*First week in Thailand, Shelene gets burned on her face, eats chicken feet, and is attacked by monkeys. Basically: awesome.*

I'd like to say this is the post y'all have been waiting for, but that would probably be a lie. Nevertheless, I've had a sweet week in Thailand going from Salt Lake, Portland, Tokyo, Bangkok, Phuket, Phi Phi Islands, Phuket, Bangkok, and finally Phichit. It's been busy, eventful, sometimes tense, but more than anything-- a blast.


Here is a overview of our week:

Our first day in Phuket was a good intro to Thailand. We found a little shack for lunch and I burned my face off with the spiciest curry I've ever come across. Spicy but delish. We walked the streets and went to the Wat Chalong temples, which are the biggest in Phuket. And they were freakin sweet. 

Our hostel was further away from the tourist-y areas but it was nice to just walk around and explore. We tried a couple food stands, including one where I ate the ribs and foot of a chicken. We also spent half a day at the Phuket Zoo where I was forced to face phobias straight on. 


Here is a scary picture:

Nothing like a croc pit to make you want to pee your pants. Plus, I saw two men put their heads in crocodile mouths. Shoot me in the face, I was so stressed.


We also visited a beautiful beach and I forgot to put sunscreen on my face.

So if you see any of my pictures from facebook and wonder why I look so horrible, there is your answer. My face was literally oozing and swollen almost the entire vacation. #FML
In case you didn't see the terrible awful...

I ended up buying and wearing a huge floppy hat and covering my face with sunglasses most of our vacation. I also fell asleep on the ferry to the Phi Phi Islands and my reverse raccoon eyes intensified. The worst! I looked like I had leprosy. 

After the couple of days, we took a ferry to the Phi Phi Islands and stayed in a jungle bungalow on the completely opposite side of the island. And of course the bungalows were on the side of a mountain so we had to hike up there and carry our crap. But it was a cheap place and we had a lovely view of a nasty retention basin. 

We hiked up to the view point to check out the island and it sure was beautiful. I got attacked by a trillion and one mosquitoes but other than that, it was so pretty! Take a look:

A brief overview of our activities:
-Massages
-Shopping
-Eating
-Beach time
-More Massages
-Kayaking


 Since we were in a tiny kayak, the most unfortunate of events occurred, and no one wanted to risk ruining their cameras so it is not documented.


Let me highlight...


When people tell you to go to monkey beach, they make it sound beautiful and happy...which it is. But no one said anything like, "Don't get near the freakin monkeys." That would've been helpful information.


We kayaked to the beach and enjoyed the most wonderful sand ever. I then, foolishly, made monkey calls to attract them. The call I made was to claim territory. Big Mistake. The monkeys started to come out of the jungle and try to steal out bags in the kayak. Erin ran after the monkeys (hoping to scare them away from stealing her clothes) and I ran to get them away from the money bag. Then, the most terrifying things happened. Instead of being scared of us, they turned and attempted to eat us. The alpha ran at Erin. She attempted flight but the sand was too deep and she landed in the ocean. The monkey was not satisfied and still went after her. She had to resort to fighting and kicked the monkey off of her.


As I watched this play out, I "ran" as fast as I could as back-up. The alpha then turned at me and charged, flashing his huge fangs, while hissing and growling. I will never forget trying to run backwards (not to lose sight of him) and watching those fangs get near me. Luckily, I'm a spaz and flipped into the ocean and immediately was engulfed by waves. Clumsiness finally pays off.


Needless to say, I stayed far from monkeys and in the comfort of the ocean holding a stick. That series of events is definitely the funniest thing I have ever seen. Again, no documentation.


We made it back to the beach and got another massage. (I got a grand total of 3 foot and 1 back/neck/shoulder massages.) I leave all my money and my future house to those women with the hands of magic.